This week is crap. I dont have any mood at all. I dont know how to explain how i feel now. There is so much feelings inside me. But the strongest feeling that i can explain is i've been played. He is the first boyfriend that i dared to go out with. He made me feel that i was his everything. &he made his friends around him feel that way too. But now, i guess it was just a lie. A show that he was just acting in for 3months. He always say that i dont Love him. but i do. Alot. So, whenever he didnt call me &stuffs i would get pissed. But i didnt know getting pissed is wrong. &i didnt know that to him, i'm possessive over him. &he even said that he didnt wan to tell me because he didnt want me to cry & change for him. so, he wants me to realise it myself. How would i realise it myself when i think that i'm just caring for you? If i didnt mind you not calling me wouldnt you feel that i dont care for you? &you even said that sometimes i destroy your day. Who is destroying who's day? Who is the one who always have bad moods? YOU! &because of you i've changed. I wasnt as bubbly as before. Because i Always worry for you. &i started to neglect my friends just to be with you. Do you know that? Knowing all this from Clarence is very hurting. Because i didnt know that there were so many things about me you were unhappy with. Shouldnt you be the one who should tell me all this? If you really want our relationship to last? I guess you dont huh. There is something else that made me feel that i'm really stupid. Stupid that i've fallen for him. Him &his best friend, have been waiting for each other since sec 2? &YOU didnt tell me about it? I was honest enough to tell you that i've always had feelings for Ahwei. But alot of things came in between &we didnt know that we liked each other. Untill he has a gf then i knew he liked me before. At least i did tell you. I was honest. You're not. You always tell me you &her will never like each other. You even swear. &now, see what happens? This only proves that i've been living in a lie for the 3months we've been together. &i dont know what else to say now. Luke wong, why must you ever do this to me? 2weeks after we broke up &you are with her? &who would ever imagine that your feelings for me were fading? well, maybe some ppl would. but i certainly did not. I really cannot believe this. sigh. Even though i know all this now, i still cant get him off my mind.): the only time when i can, is when i Sm*ke &when i'm with BF, Tasha, Clarence &Bari. That's the only two thing that can make me not miss him. i dont know what else to do. i feel so dumb, stupid &pathetic. Thankyou Bf &Tasha for telling me the truth about Luke. &Thankyou Clarence for telling me all those stuffs too. Although i was the last one to know among us. But still, thankyou. I'll be fine. Just give me a little more time.. At least now im strong enough &i know that i can live without him. He is a Jerk. &i know that. He is not worth my tears &i know that too. Maybe this is my Karma, for treating Zhiwen the way i treated him last time. Ha. I'm sick. Having Flu, Sore throat &fever. I want to meet Ahwei so badly.
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If boys can trust, Pigs can Fly/Shit can eat.
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