Trust the voice within

Love is not Just a game.

Among three of us, I have the most "old fashion" thinking.

They knows that. And they respect my thinkings.

I know, its not MY thing. I have no rights to get pissed or whatever.

I know you do not understand. But, you should know. You should know why.

You know me. Dont you? You do right?

Doing things before you guys are even together..

Tell me, what will ppl think? You might not care. Or you do not care.

But i do. Because i care for you.

I dont want ppl to think..that you're "cheap", easy to get.

And most importantly, i dont want you to get hurt.

And hearing "Its My thing" from you. It hit me so bad. This is the first time in my life that i've cried for a friend; for you. Because at that point of time, i felt that you do not care. At all. Even no matter how much you said you do last time, i dont feel it. At all. Now.

When you had problems with him.. You called me. And i was there. I was soooo pissed with her. You know that. Why was i? I could have not care right? Since you said it your thing. But i was. Because why? I care. I dont want her to scold you for nothing. And now, you are happy with him, believing whatever he says, covering one eye for everything and you say that its your thing. Your thing.

I do not want to always be the bad guy.

Always being the last one to know about your relationship.

I know i've not been supporting you.

But, the reason is always the same.

Its just too fast.

Yes, i dont mind you lovey lovey together, being crazy in love with him.

But not to the extend of acting exactly like a couple.

Whats the difference?

Where's the promise that you made? To us..

After reading this sentence, i know you might just roll your eyes.

But i have to go on..

You said you do not want to let this go so easily.

But, being in contact, meeting up, isnt that enough?

I know he is not those kind that would mind to wait.

I know he would still wait for you even if both of you are not like this now, holding hands or kissing.. So, why?

If nothing were to happen between both you in the future..

Wouldnt you be hurt? More hurt then how am i now?

Because you're like "together" without the status.

I dont want you to get hurt. Again.

For what you think now, im unreasonable, im being pissed for something that i should be happy for, if i was really your friend. But, its just not me. I care. Thats why i dont wish you to have a bad reputation or impression in other ppl's eyes. I thought being pissed, you would care and stop. As in, at least wake up abit. For the first time, it didnt. Second time, it didnt too. And now, its officially obviously NO USE.

You know i wouldnt be able to not talk to you.

No matter what after awhile i will still talk to you.

But i know you wont if i dont.

Because i guess, you dont care.

I'm sad, frustrated, disappointed.

Im all the words that can describe someone who is down.

Maybe i should stop. Stop feeling anything. I'll let you guys be. I'll shut up. Its not my problem. So, i wont care. If anything were to happen, i wont care to. I know i wont be able to not care. But i will try to. T, Slap me real hard on my face if i do. k? Thankyou.

I will act/be normal as usual.

I will still want to do crazy things with her.

But, i will not care anymore.

Believe it or not. Its tiring.

This will be the last time im breaking down for this.

No more.

Time for me to stop typing.

There is so much more to say.

Things that i cant say right to your face.

Its just so difficult.

My sis wants to use the com.

I'll stop.

Goodnight.